Single again

The bottom line is that people want to feel that someone else wants them; they want to feel that someone else's life is less meaningful without their presence.

But not everyone can give that, and not everyone gets the chance to have that. Talking about things doesn't necessarily change anything. You can't force someone to want you, or to fall in love with you.

Or change for you.

Or do anything, really.

Realizing that hurts, but I think most of all it hurts your pride and makes you think that you are somehow a person who doesn't deserve genuine love, care or concern. I refuse to believe or tolerate that -- I know I deserve better than the treatment I've been receiving.

The first time I discovered his indiscretion, I took an abnormal amount of sleeping pills to try and fall asleep. I was drunk virtually every night and didn't eat for a week.

Today, I cried to my closest friends; people who know me inside out and love me in a way that he never could. They made me smile and laugh ten minutes after I was sobbing in my closet. I will now attempt to pull myself together, salvage whatever is left of my pride and self-esteem and face tomorrow when it comes.

"Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours." Karma may have bitten me hard in the ass, but I'm going to put an end to it. True, I haven't been the best girl, but any number of people will attest to the fact that I am an amazingly dedicated girlfriend -- but for the right guy. And he is definitely not it. I have been lying to myself for the last few months but I can't go down this road any longer.

You'll be my witness; this is the last time I deal with Chris. It is time to live a life that is fully my own, in a completely foreign city. Wish me luck. I think I'll need it.